With the past few blog posts dealing with heavy topics such as inability to breastfeed and body image issues, I figured we could do with something a little lighter. So here are some of my embarrassing, honest, awkward, and funny confessions as a new mom dealing with chronic illnesses!
1. Eau de What??
Some of you may know this about me, but I can’t smell (thanks, seizures!). This has its pros and cons. Pro: I can walk by a horrifically awful dumpster and not have any reaction. Con: I can walk around for the better part of a day with baby puke on the back of my shirt and not realize it. And if you’re thinking that example sounds oddly detailed, you’re right, because it actually happened. Unfortunately I can’t always blame my inability to smell. Sometimes I am fully aware of the pureed sweet potato on the front of my shirt, but I am just too darned busy to change.
Confession: Some days I may smell like a combination of spit up, poop, and old food. I don’t care. It happens.
I’m insecure, so this is what I imagine people are thinking when they’re around me
2. Nature’s Napkin
You remember when you were a mom-to-be and you could spend hours on Pintrest looking up cute little DIY projects and clever hacks for life with baby? Oh, it all seemed so possible and so adorable! Those were the days. And then your baby sneezes with reckless abandon directly into your mouth. Snot happens. As was mentioned in the above confession, I am often covered in so many fluids, I would make a hotel room on CSI look clean.
Confession: When my son is sick, and he thinks my shirt is a tissue, I oblige because I’ll do anything to make him feel better.
Sneeze away, baby
3. Back Burner Syndrome
Let’s face it. When you’re a new mom, you’ve got your hands full. Slowly but surely, more and more things start to be placed on the back burner. It starts with not sorting the mail on a daily basis, then leaving clean laundry in the dryer, and finally you’re just lucky if you can remember where you put something. Some of that I can blame on the “Lupus Fog” or my memory issues (thanks again, seizures!), and sometimes I’m just prioritizing. Surprisingly, my house actually stays pretty clean, but I guess I just feel guilty about not being able to “do it all.”
Confession: Laundry and dishes can wait. My baby’s needs cannot.
Dust it off, boo
2. I’ll Tell You What I Want, What I Really Really Want!
While the Spice Girls may have had more R-rated things in mind, what I really really want is much more G-rated. I just want to be able to go to the friggin’ bathroom for like more than five seconds. And I know I am not alone in this, so don’t even try to play like you wouldn’t ugly-cry tears of joy if someone said you could have a luxuriously uninterrupted, hot shower.
Confession: I love every second I get to spend with my baby, but there is only so much my bladder can hold.
How I feel when I finally get to go to the bathroom
1. Silver Lining
Oh you know me, always looking for the silver lining. This time I really have found one! I used to get bummed (and borderline offended) when people would assume that because I don’t look my age and have crazy hair that I must be a teen mom. I even had one older lady behind me in the check-out line make a snide remark to her friend, “It looks like babies having babies.” To which her friend replied, “I’ll bet you it wasn’t even planned.” Perhaps their hearing aids weren’t properly adjusted and they thought they were being quiet? But then I realized, I hadn’t been a teen in almost a decade! Those crones’ comments were more of a self-esteem boost than getting carded at a restaurant 😉
Confession: When rude people think I’m a “teen mom” they’re actually just telling me I look great for my age! Thanks, haters!
AND I’M OUT!!!